


Hardest Goodbyes.

by nirroca



Series: Lavender [9]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 23:10:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17837801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirroca/pseuds/nirroca
Summary: Goodbyes and reunions.





	Hardest Goodbyes.

Ellana watches as Cassandra finishes putting on the vestiges she hates, too itchy, so impractical she complains. She knows she will do good in her new role as divine, but she wonders if either of them are truly happy paying the price that comes with it. Cassandra giving up her hopes of restoring the order that gave her life so much purpose in exchange for enacting change for something she truly believed in. 

And Ellana giving up her quiet hope for a life well lived with her love at her side, partners in everything they do.

She’s glad for the time they’ve had together, but there's a price for everything she supposes. 

“I can’t do this,” Ellana says, breaking the silence between them.

“I know,” Cassandra states simply, a look of resignation on her face. A sad smile pulling at the scar on her cheek.

“I love you, but I can’t sit by and keep hidden in the shadows. If I can’t love you openly and freely, if I can’t love you the way you deserve, I have to let you go, because neither of us will be happy in the long run,”

“I understand.”

The hitch in Cassandra’s voice almost shatters her resolve, because there is nothing that she wouldn’t do for this woman. 

But they both know that what she says is true.

“I feel so selfish bringing this up now of all days,” Ellana says closing the distance between them and reaching up to caress Cassandra’s face. 

“You’re going to do so much good as Divine -“ Ellana doesn’t dare utter the word ‘Victoria’, because that would acknowledge what was happening was real. But Cassandra would always be just that, Cassandra to her. The woman that completed her in so many ways but she had to let go of for her to truly shine.

“Thank-you,” Cassandra whispers, turning her face to kiss Ellana’s marked palm. “I just wish I could have you beside me - but I understand why I have to let you go.”

Ellana doesn’t ask before she leans forward to kiss her. Doesn’t miss the catch of Cassandra’s breath or the salt that she can taste on her cheeks.

Or the way that Cassandra kisses her with a kind of melancholy that she knows is mirrored in her own.

They pull apart when they hear a knock on the door to Cassandra’s apartments in the Grand Cathedral. They part with one final look, like Cassandra already knows that she won’t be there when she returns.

Ellana leaves during the ceremony, feeling like a coward but knows it's the best for the both of them. She leaves the carving of the ivory halla that Cassandra gifted her so many moons ago along with a crown made of wildflowers, a reminder of simpler times when they first started courting.

Happier times.

 

 

The next time they see each other it's at the Exalted Council.

She sees Cassandra before she sees her, and it hits her like a shield bash to see that Cassandra looks so well. And has the same look of distaste she’s always had when it comes to dealing with nobles. 

But when she gets closer she sees that the line of her cheek bones are sharper than she remembers, the frown lines around her eyes are a little deeper, the strength that she always used to exude feels a little less noticeable.

Knows that most of it is her doing.

She hadn’t arrived with the main Inquisition party, and was still clad in her field gear, her head covered with a hood, obscuring most of her face.

No one paid her much mind until she got to the knights that were guarding Cassandra in the space that she had claimed in the garden (it didn’t escape her notice that Cassandra had chosen a place amongst the roses). 

“Stop,” One of the guards demands, loud enough to attract Cassandra’s attention, and Ellana doesn’t miss the look of hope at something more pressing interrupting whatever issues the noble with her thought was the Divine’s job to solve. 

The long silver plait that is hanging out of her hood is the only identifiable feature of Ellana that is visible, and even then only to someone who knew who it belonged to.

Someone like Cassandra. 

“Let them through Edward,” Cassandra says, her voice travelling easily across the space between them, the twist of Cassandra’s accent sending a shiver down her spine. Cassandra holds up a hand to silence the noble beside her. Dismisses them without a word barely sparing them a second glance as they scurry off in a huff.

Ellana swallows thickly at the wave of feelings that she has held back for so long are suddenly thick in her throat. Wills herself to keep her emotions in check as she feels a prickle in the corner of her eye. She doesn’t need to make things more complicated by crying the first time she sees Cassandra in over two years.

“Leave us,” she says looking pointedly at both her guards, who after sharing a look between each other take their leave. 

“I’ve thought about you every day the past two years,” Cassandra says, reaching up to take her headdress off, ruffling her hair with a sigh of relief after she sets it down on the small table beside her.

“As have I-“ Ellana starts, but is cut off by a sharp look from Cassandra. Ellana stays silent, giving Cassandra the chance to say the things she needs to say at her own pace.

“At first I was so angry that you left me, during my own coronation no less, even though I knew why you did,” Cassandra sighs, rubbing her face with both hands and Ellana sees just how tired she is firsthand. 

Realises that the relentless amount of work that Cassandra was pushing for the Chantry to do in her absence wasn’t the result of a strong work ethic, which there was no denying that Cassandra certainly had.

It was the result of someone trying to throw themselves headfirst into their work in an effort to try to forget. 

“But then, once the loneliness and the sleepless nights became habit I realised that all I did was miss you and nothing else could make that feel any less sharp, no matter how much time had passed,” Cassandra says, rubbing her chest.

Ellana doesn’t know how she missed it before but her robes don’t bear the usual chantry regalia, Instead the delicate embroidery of red and gold is more natural, almost looks like the winding branches of trees wrapping around her.

Ellana realises a moment later that they remind her of her own Vallaslin. 

“Some nights the only thing that kept me warm was the memory of you beside me,” Ellana says, her voice sounding rough after so long on her own out in the field.

“I trust that your scouting went well?”

“Yes, all of the fade rifts are closed and have stayed closed. But there has been something strange going on but no one has really noticed because no one cares,”

“Hmm Leliana told me that you were worried about clans and city elves disappearing,”

“Of course she did,” Ellana mumbles. 

“Even if we no longer work together Leliana still likes to keep me informed. I would have had to find out about it eventually anyway,” Cassandra says, making a vauge gesture towards herself, and ultimately her role in Thedas as Divine. 

It’s the dry sense of humour that she hasn’t been around for so long that finally breaks her resolve, has her legs moving of their own accord and has her falling to her knees at Cassandra’s feet.

“Makers balls I’ve really made a mess of things between us haven’t?” Ellana mumbles as she rests her forehead against Cassandra’s knees.

She sighs when she feels Cassandra reach up to remove her hood and run her fingers through the knotty strands that she had hastily braided earlier that day. 

“It’s gotten so long,” Cassandra murmurs.

“I almost thought about cutting it all off,”

“Why?”

“Because it reminded me of you. That and it's too long”

“Good to see you’re still a sentimental fool,” Cassandra snorts, tapping her lightly on the shoulder. 

“I’ll always be your sentimental fool,” Ellana says sincerely, finally looking up to meet Cassandra’s eye, squeezing her calves through her robes.

“What if I don’t want you anymore?” Cassandra asks. Ellana studies her face but finds that she no longer knows how to read it as well as she once did.

“Then I’ll do what I’ve always done best,” Ellana states simply. 

“Oh?”

“Love you anyway, in whatever way you’ll have me.”


End file.
